A Cynical Look on Idiots continued.

Well, it's been a while, and I know we haven't posted much, but here's a nice snippet of a four part series. It's only four parts because he never responded to my last email. Oh well. No effort was made on my part to make me seem convincing, as you will undoubtedly see, in my responses. All spelling errors on my part are intentional. All spelling errors on his, I assume, are not.

I'm not going to be bothered formatting these so the original is before my response, so you're getting copypasta out of my inbox. Here's the first gem.

----
Prince Allen,

I respec yur wisses and hav deceded to halp you in eny wai posseble. Imail me bakk ASAP,

Insolently yurs,

Dr. Samuel Carson Adam Mitchell



--- On Mon, 6/7/10, PRINCE ALLEN SHEHAN wrote:

From: PRINCE ALLEN SHEHAN
Subject: UPDATE ME (ASAP)
To:
Date: Monday, June 7, 2010, 7:35 AM

Hello Dear,

Complement's I am Prince Allen from Somalia, am 24 year old I have one sisters named Susan she is 21 years old, I am the First born of my parent the name of my Mum is Mrs. Mariah Shehan she died when she was 57years old, My dad name is Dr. General Ali Shehan we are from a royal family in Somalia.

Well I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you as well, but I contacted you by faith and due to the present situation that we are facing here, as times goes on you will get to know me well and my rest family.

We just arrive to Ghana through the(UN) cargo ship, during the civil war in my country, rebels came to our palace and they were looking for my late father, Sordidly one of the rebel shout my dad four gun shout on his chest, I and my Mum took my dad to the hospital for treatment the doctor said that before anything can be done that we most provide police report, before taking my dad to the police custody for doctor report on our way back to the hospital he died, that is how I lost my dad, before he give up he explain so many things to me as his only son.

Before the death of my late father he use to deal on gold and diamond stones, I have not disclose this to anyone and I also want you to keep it as a confidential, it is about my family and most especially how I can build a better future for my family, please I want you to keep this as a secret do not disclose to any other person,I lost My Mum on the mouth of Oct 17th 2009 and before she died she hand over some of my late father document’s to me, which my late father told me about, some years back my late father use to travel for contracts.

My late father had a business with one Security Company named power Security Company in Ghana, the document’s stated that my late father deposited three trunk boxes under Power Security Company, but the content is not reveal to anyone, my late father personally disclose the content of the three trunk boxes to me, My late father said That the two white boxes each contain $15.7million Us dollars the other box contain 98kg of AU dust gold.

This is the reason why I contacted you, we need a foreign beneficiary who can help us to handle our investment in a foreign land, before the death of my late father he said that we should not invest the money and gold in West Africa, that many people in Africa are bad and they may kill us and take it from us, we want you to understand that if you help us I promise to give you 20% out of the total fund and 5% shall be aside for any expenses, we need to talk more better as time goes on I shall introduce you to the company to prepare all the legal document for the delivery of my boxes to you in your country, the company said that they also make doorstep delivery.

I shall await for your kind email and I will direct you on how to contact the security company, all I need from you is honesty and truth and I promise you I shall never let you down, have a nice day and take care

pls try and contact me on this imail adress princeallen01@aol.com

Regards,
Prince Allen Shehan

A Cynical Look at EA Games

Once upon a time games that were buggy, boring, generally unplayable, or just plain terrible had a short life expectancy. That was a golden time where a game that was reviewed well would actually be good. That time has been and gone. This time is dominated by giant publishers, some of which routinely produce good games. EA is not one of those publishers.

EA is a publishing company that actually can claim responsibility for the failures of the games it publishes. I remember when I was beta testing Hellgate: London. My first response was they had a terrific skeleton of a game, and with a little work, it could be great. We, the beta testers, clamored for a delay in the release of the game so that the problems could be ironed out and a game fit for play could be released. EA didn't see things that way, and Hellgate London has now failed. I can't help but believe many other games have the exact same dilemma of knowing what to fix, how to fix it, and having the publisher not allow them to in order to meet a schedule.

EA may produce sports games that don't suck. Honestly, however, name a single sports game that changes so much year to year a downloadable roster and a few mods couldn't do the same thing. Not even the sports games are truly above the line of sucking, however. If you've ever tried to play one made for the computer, you quickly realize how much a sports game can suck.

EA appears to aim for mediocrity and fall short. I can't see the sense in that. EA's tendency to do this has been commented by many before me, including "Yahtzee" Crokshaw, a game reviewer with a weekly video review. Apparently, however, one can become a gigantic publishing powerhouse by aiming to be meh. With the knowledge that EA actively hurts the quality of the games they produce, I cannot help but declare that they suck.

I've prepared a scale of things that suck, for those who may be visual people. Farther down the scale it is, the more it sucks.


EA has reported a net loss of over four hundred million dollars this year. I cannot help but wonder, if they would have produced more good games and fewer complete disasters, if that number may have been on the other side of the zero mark. As such, EA's failures as a publisher have done to EA exactly what this giant companies deserves.

A Cynical Look on Auto Commercials

Apparently, I can't not afford to buy a new car. How this makes sense to even the dimmest mind is a mystery that may never be solved. Do the automobile companies honestly believe that those buying their products are dimmer than an underground shed with no lights? Apparently so. Apparently, these commercials are meant to be watched with the switch for your brain set to off.

In these times, however, buying any car from a manufacturer who has a decent chance of going out of business is an iffy proposition. For when the company folds guess how much that 5 year or 50k mile warranty is good for. Perhaps mopping up a spill if you have the paperwork, because the company won't be able or willing to honor it. And when your car breaks down with no warranty and nobody producing parts for it, guess who's there to help you! Nobody, that's who.

So no only does the commercial insult your intelligence, it also manages to promise that which the company cannot be certain it is capable of providing. It's such a massive quantity of fail that I'm honestly surprised they managed to fit it into a single commercial.

As an aside, if anybody can find the commercial on youtube or something, please leave a link. I'd love to put it in this post, but have thus far been unable to find the bloody thing.

A Cynical Look at the GOP

Today I'm changing gears fast enough to destroy every transmission in a hundred mile radius. For today, all you who think I'm a conservative Republican are in for a surprise. Today, I'm taking a cynical look at the current state of the GOP. From what McCain and Palin have shown recently, there's plenty to be cynical about, and it would be remiss of me to ignore such easy pickings.

The cynicism starts with a look at the failed presidential candidate John McCain. Now while this election year would be tough for any republican, with Bush dragging any ticket down into the abyss regardless of who is on said ticket, McCain's spectacular failure is still most impressive. McCain, a self-proclaimed maverick, managed not only to bore, but also to make some of the most disastrous campaign decisions of any era. McCain's consistent dismissal of his own party will now likely hurt him, for you can call your friend an idiot only if you win. McCain's surprisingly poor campaign also managed to seem technologically inept compared to his opponent. No one can forget his amazing quote, "The fundamentals of the economy are strong." Perhaps McCain couldn't have won regardless of what he did, but after he managed to make his poor campaign look worse, he had no chance.

The past is the past, however, and the future of the Republican party looks much better. If, of course, you're looking at a different Republican party. The one I'm looking at looks doomed. What kind of party looks towards a politician who couldn't be bothered to find out what the Bush doctrine was, who reportedly didn't know Africa was a continent, and who believes foreign policy experience can be gained from living near another country? A doomed party, that's what kind of party does that. While some find Republicans to be the better of two evils, the current state of the party must be causing reconsideration of that stand. Even the rats abandon a sinking ship, and the GOP certainly looks to be going down.

The GOP, perhaps, is doomed by the poor policy choices they've made. For tax cuts, which invariably are spun as "tax cuts for the wealthy," have lost popularity faster than Pet Rocks. For an uninhibited market is oft considered to be a massive problem. For simply being in the same political party as Bush. The GOP is looking bad right now, and a cynical conclusion is that this is just the start of the storm.
As always, if I've missed anything, am blatantly wrong, or seem to have a bias of some kind, feel free to leave a comment.