A Cynical Look on Idiots Part 2

I'm not sure if the Scammer knew what he initially sent me or not. His story seems to skip a large gap where I'm actually supposed to be informed on what's going on. He seems to think I should already know that this is a scheme to get the money for ourselves-- I do-- but not because he told me.

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Dear Friend,
Thanks for your mailI must thank you first for your response . Please be contacting me through this my private box for security reasons. The time frame is the best time to do the transaction because after the long years of absence, the bank has decided to transfer this fund to the bank treasury if unclaimed at the end of the fiscal year 2010 ,that is why everything has to be done speedily if you wish that we make a success in this transaction. The owner of the said fund was a gold merchant from Germany and he got the money from the proceeds he made while he was mining in Sierra Leone before the war broke out there. I will give you further information about him later. My concern is for you to keep absolute secret. I have given you the details of the transaction hereunder to enable you know whether you can run the transaction with me.

Sorry that I did not respond immediately as you expected because I was putting things in order before getting back to you and also I was praying over the transaction because I do not want to get in to any wrong hand.

I do not know you before but your carefulness in responding to my mail interested me that is why I decided to give you all the details to know whether you can make the transaction with me. You do not need to worry on how to be the next of kin because it is what will be used in filling the application that matters. You can either be a next of kin or partner or anything depending on what I decide. No one is aware of this fund and again the deceased has no one coming again for the fund.
I want you to know that if you are serious towards this transaction, we are going to make success.

You have to know whether you have the capacity to receive this money when transferred to your account but my concern is for you to maintain absolute confidentiality.
The percentage is subject to review depending on your committment to help me with full devotion. I am also ready to do charity works with part of the fund after we have succeeded.

Be sure that you have no risks to fear about.
The guarantee is that I am working in the same bank and will also serve as an insider on your behalf.

I am sure also that no one is coming later to ask you whether you are the real next of kin or not because I studied every thing before contacting you and moreover, I cannot involve myself to danger in the same bank where I am working.

I see this as an opportunity for me to be great and I want you also to be honest with me after the fund has been transferred to your account.

I want you to know that you were not the person I had in mind before sending out my message but another person that bears similar name like yours who was formerly living in my country but I couldn't get his email address when I searched for it and in place I got yours.

Don’t be afraid because I am here to give you all the guidelines required.
I want you to tell me more about yourself also.
I have some questions for you.

1. Are you married and of what age are you?
2. what do you wish we can invest on when I will come to your country.
3. Are there things you want to ask me?
4. I need you to tell me whether you are capable of receiving this amount or not when transferred.

For me, I am married with three kids and has worked in this same bank for years.
I will give you the updates when I hear from you.

Below is my personal data

Feel free to ask me any question you need to know concerning this transaction
Below is my complete information:

(1) NAME: MR MUSA AKIM
(2) AGE: 48

(3) PLACE OF BIRTH: Ouagadougou .

(4) HEIGHT: 1.75

(5) WEIGHT: 84 kg , Not Permanent.

(6) SEX: Male.

(7) QUALIFICATION: M.B.A in Economics And P. H. D in Banking and Finance Awarded

(8) OCCUPATION: Banker.

(9) WORKING EXPERIENCE :( T.I.C) Insurance Banjul Gambia & Presently In (Boa) Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso.

(10) MARITAL STATUS: Married With 3 Children.

Waiting for your mail and call as urgency implies. Also i am waiting for your response before sending you the application which is the first step of the claim.

00226 76 23 24 16

Mr Musa Akim

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I'm going to respond by asking him a whole lot off pointless questions, and letting him know that he never told me the deal.

Just so I understand correctly, please answer these questions.

You have found a way to claim this money by association of next of kin? You didn't say anything about that earlier.

What happened to that gold mine after the war?
What's it like to be a doctor?
Where did you go to school?
What's it like to liek mudkipz?
You said your height was 1.75, are you really only 2 inches tall?
Are you a leprechaun?

Please answer these questions for me,
and may the mighty balls of god fertilize your egg.

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Hopefully he'll answer one of the more crazy questions.
I'll post the next exchange soon.

A Cynical Look On the cum hoc ergo propter hoc Logical Fallacy.

The (cum hoc ergo propter hoc) or Correlation does not imply causation fallacy essentially says that because one thing has a correlation with another, it does not automatically mean that one caused the other.

And indeed a third variable could cause the problem.

As an example, Co2's relationship to global warming does not necessarily mean that Co2 is what causes global warming. Instead, global warming may actually be a result of all the hot air spewing fourth from Al Gore's overinflated head.

In any event, a problems stems from this type of logical fallacy. At it's most base level, everything falls into this category. For example, just because you see words on your computer screen does not necessarily mean that anyone wrote them. You may actually see these words because I have hit you over the head with a large blunt object, and now you are simply delusional. Also, being hit over the head with a bat may not be what caused you to be delusional, perhaps it was that moldy sandwich you found in the back of the fridge. To continue, perhaps that sandwich was not moldy because it has been in the back of the fridge for so long, but because aliens have decided to invade peoples homes and use their mold guns on random articles of food.

Starting to see a problem? This can continue on forever.

In reality, man kind can only ASSUME that any one thing causes another through enough correlative data. Any kind of statement that any one thing causes another is in fact a logical fallacy. If humanity wants to have any kind of understanding of the world, it is going to have to accept that enough correlation should at least point towards causation.

A Cynical Look On Chain Posts

While perusing Facebook, I happen across groups and walls that have given me an unfortunate, if not unexpected, revelation. The average internet user is a moron. While I could rant about how people are stupid for ages, instead I'll toss out some examples and analyze them. This will start with the most common element of horrible stupidity, the chain letter post.
The chain letter post, reviled by everyone with a working prefrontal lobe, is disgustingly common. I'll now analyze two of them. For the love of all that isn't terrible, please do not take these chain posts seriously. I beg of you, do not repost these abominations without adding something resembling analysis of the absurdity of them. If you see chain posts anywhere, please direct the poster to this article. Perhaps with some knowledge these forces of evil can be conquered.

Warning: Chain Posts Beyond This Point, Skip to the word "Banana" to avoid.

PLEASE DONT READ THIS. YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. TOMMOROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. HOWEVER IF YOU DONT POST THIS COMMENT TO AT LEST FIVE QUIZZES YOU WILL DIE IN 2 DAYS. NOW UV STARTED READIN THIS DONT STOP THIS IS SO SCARY.xSEND THIS TO FIVE QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES WHEN UR DONE PRESS F6 AND UR CRUSHES NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO SCARY COZ IT ACTUALLY WORKS

Now we'll analyze this post. The first thing a normal person will notice is that the entire post is in capital letters, a sure sign of a degenerate mind. Next, the first sentence says to not read. A second warning flag for anyone who doesn't skip posts written in all capitals because degenerate minds have nothing important to say. After ignoring this warning, we arrive at being kissed on Friday by the love of your life. That doesn't sound too bad. Of course, then there's the point where it warns if the post isn't reposted the reader will die in two days. That's nice and all, but what happens if Friday is more than two days away? Is the love of your life going to kiss your corpse? Does death void the contract? If not, should it bother you that the love of your life is a necrophile according to the chain letter? And wouldn't that make them the love of your death? Thus rendering the chain letter wrong? Next is the point where the letter "u" is substituted for the word "you," something acceptable if you are in a hurry on the internet. However, when someone has had time to write something, arbitrary word shortening is another sure sign of a degenerate mind. Another warning sign for even the dimmest bulbs to seek shelter outside of the overwhelming stench of stupidity emitted from a chain post. Next comes the arbitrary number and time limit, followed by bait. The point where this claims that if one presses F6 after following all the instructions, the person you have a crush on's name will appear in big letters on your screen is, of course, the point where this post is claiming that your computer can read your mind. If my computer can read my mind, I have much more to be scared of than a chain letter working.

"Banana"
The above paragraph is safe to read, and should make some semblance of sense even to those of you who would not read the chain letter.

Second Chain Letter Starts Here. Once more, "Banana" will get you safely past.

TRY THIS.
1. Say ur name 10x
2. Say ur mom's name 5x
3. Say ur crushes name 3x
4. then paste this to 4 other quizs, if you do this your crush will kiss you on the nearest friday! But if you read this and did not paste this, then you will have very bad luck

Once more, it starts with all capitals, a sign that has already been touched upon. Next comes a number, something that seems safe. Unfortunately, following the number is poor grammar, another thing that I've already touched upon. The creator of this obviously couldn't be bothered to run spellcheck either, for it not only misspells "quizzes," but also forgets to capitalize "Friday."
The content, however, is quite different. Now you're being instructed to repeat things for some reason, followed by a plea for reposting, a promise of a kiss, and then a threat of bad luck, if you have not already reposted it. Now that the content has been covered, a few hypothetical scenarios should be as well. If a child is an orphan and reads this, are they doomed to bad luck? What happens if you have no crush? If you have had your name changed, or go by a nickname, what name should you use? Also, what exactly is bad luck? If I'm deathly afraid of becoming rich, will I find a winning lotto ticket?

"Banana" Once more, the above paragraph is safe to read for those of you who for some reason are unable or unwilling to read chain posts.

As a whole, chain posts offer comedic value to those of us who don't take them seriously. However, as shown by the abundance of these things, some people do take them seriously. How so much can be attributed to the powers of a chain letter I will never understand. For instance, in the one where the computer somehow is able to read your mind, the chain letter has mystically granted it this ability. How and for what purpose was my computer designed to be able to read my mind? Unfortunately, these things have become far too common, and as such, are far too annoying to be mildly tolerated any more.

Chain posts in the comments will be deleted.